One Breath
by KellethMetheus
Summary: My look at what Mulder was feeling while watching Scully slip away from him. This is a repost and I have made some changes.


**Authors note**: This is a story that was posted a while ago. I took it down to make some changes. I really like it and I hope you do to. Thanks to . who beteaed it for me before I posted it the first time. Now if there are any errors they are mine.

I hope you enjoy it.

AN2: This takes place durring the events of One Breath and it had some dialog right from the episode. I don't own anything, I know that but when I watched this episode it just called out to me.

* * *

Mulder watched as Scully's sister, Melissa walked away. He sighed, Melissa was right, Scully would not want him to do this, to become a murderer, a monster, one of them.

Was this what they wanted? To discredit him this way, when every other way had failed? They couldn't kill him without turning him into a martyr. They, whomever they were wanted to create him in their image, to destroy him the only way they could succeed.

He walked slowly back to the table dropping down into his chair. He felt so drained like his energy was slipping away with Scully's life. Dana Scully had been the one bright spot in his life for the past two years. With her by his side he felt as though he was winning, finding out what they did not want him to discover, but now he saw that it was not true. It was a loosing battle, they had more resources and the truth was an elusive lie.

With a heavy sigh, his fingers reached for his gun where it sat under the table and waited. His eyes looked at the door and then the clock. He had a choice to make, he could either have his revenge or be there for Scully's last moments on this earth.

Mulder's gaze fell to the gun on the table and at the same time he touched Scully's cross where it lay in around his neck. Closing his eyes, Mulder felt himself teetering on the edge of darkness. What was he going to do without her in his life? She was the light in all the lies and darkness that surrounded him.

Dana was the only one he trusted. How would he survive without her there to temper him, to keep him sane, in this world insanity. Then he remembered Melissa's words, "Even if it doesn't bring her back at least she will know and so will you."

Mulder looked at the clock and decided what to do. He holstered his gun and grabbed his jacket. Leaving behind his only chance to avenge Scully's abduction.

A few minutes later he slipped into her hospital room, it was empty. Melissa had taken Mrs. Scully down to the cafeteria after he called to say he was coming, to give him some time alone with Dana.

Mulder sat down in a chair beside her bed as Scully slipped away from him. From what they could never say to each other, what they could never have together. Aching to touch her, to hold her, to tell Dana the one truth he may never be able to admit to her or himself. Mulder sat silently and hating himself for his cowardliness.

Watching her chest rise and fall with each breath, knowing that any breath could be her last, he knew had to say it now or all would be lost. He would never forgive himself, for not saying those words. It had to be said or all would be lost, not just her life but his sanity as well.

Taking her hand, Mulder spoke softly,"I feel Scully that you believe that you are not ready to go and you have always had the strength of your beliefs. I don't know if my being here will help you bring you back but I am here."

He lifted her hand to his lips and touched her hair, "Scully, Dana, I am sorry. I should have told you, but I thought you would leave. You always said that emotions didn't belong in the workplace. Dana, I love you. Dana, please don't leave me. I am nothing without you by my side."

Then he felt it, she squeezed his hand. Mulder sat back down on his chair and waited. He looked at the clock, 8:20. He had made his choice, now he had to live with it. With a sigh he pulled his chair closer to the bed.

Mulder woke to the weak sunlight streaming through the hospital room window. His head lay beside her hand on the bed. He knew he shoud move but right here right now they were at peace and the world no longer mattered.

Melissa came in, breaking the spell. Sitting up quickly, he moved out of the chair nervously running his fingers through his hair, "I am going to go home to change. I'll be back soon. Call me if..."

Crossing the room silently, Melissa placed her hand on his shoulder, "I will see you soon. Mulder, it is not over yet. She could pull through. Don't give up on her. She is so strong, she always was."

Nodding Mulder walked away and hoped that Melissa was right that Scully would be strong enough to win this fight.

* * *

As he walked into his apartment, a few minutes later, Mulder felt his control slipping away. Sinking to the floor Mulder released all the emotions that he held in. Scully was dying because of him, because she trusted him, and followed him on his quest for the truth.

He had lost his only chance for revenge and Scully was dying. She was slipping away from him minute by minute and there was nothing he could do.

They had taken Samantha from him and now they, who ever they were, were about to take Scully as well. Was this a punishment for looking for the truth? There were no more answers today than when Mulder had first opened the X-files. Now all he could do was wait, wait for Melissa to call and tell him that Scully was dead. That she had left him.

Mulder did not know how long he sat there weeping for what he was loosing, for all that he would never have but most of all for Scully and what her trust in him had cost her.

Eventually he dozed off only to be awakened by the ringing of the phone. Mulder looked at the phone afraid of what the caller would say or not say. He reached for the phone but drew his hand back. Did he want to know that she was dead or to hang on to the hope that she was alive? To keep pretending she would come back to him.

The answering machine picked up, but before the message finished, Mulder slowly picked up the phone. He needed to know the truth, to know if Scully will live or if fate had taken her from him.

The voice told him what he needed to know, but Mulder was rendered speechless. On autopilot Mulder hung up the phone. His mind was reeling, had this whole thing been a test? To see how far he would go, to see what he would do? Was it true?

Had he passed or failed? He was not sure. It did not matter, they had spared Scully.

Afterwards he did not remember arriving at the hospital, only opening the door to Scully's room and hearing that voice. It was not Scully's voice but her mother calling him Fox. Mulder tried not to cringe at the sound of his first name, but forgot all about it when he heard Scully's voice say, "Not Fox, Mulder."

He could not keep a smile off his face, "How are you feeling?" Mulder asked.

Regret was visible on her face, "I don't remember anything after Duane Barry..."

"It doesn't matter." he interrupted and squeezed her hand. The fact that she did not remember anything did not matter, she was more important that the truth. Whatever the truth was, her life would not be its expense.

They spoke for awhile before he excused himself, her mother and sister were watching them intently, seeing too much. He was leaving when he heard Scully say, "Mulder, I had the strength of your beliefs."

Mulder froze what could he say without giving himself away, give them away. He knew he had to get out of there, away from their knowing eyes. It was one thing to let his emotions show in the dark of night when they were alone, but to show them now in front of her mother and sister would be unforgivable.

He turned to leave but changed his mind. "I was holding this for you." He said laying the cross in the palm of her hand.

Scully closed her hand around it and felt the warmth of his touch radiate from it. She did not watch him leave knowing her eyes would give her away.

Both of them knew what was there between them. It was more than friendship, but more then attraction. It was forever but Scully could only hope that the truth would not devour him, and when he found it he would want her still.

* * *

So what do you think, let me know.....


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